Greetings fellow hydration enthusiasts,

I recently drafted a lengthy statement that I sent to the Nalgene Customer Service Department titled "Ode to Nalgene". I received multiple friendly responses from Jordan, who works in the print house. With room for hope, she explained that "while new bottle styles aren’t on the horizon right now, we never know what the future holds". However, she was gracious enough to put the following letter in contact with Nalgene Headquarters. She promised that they would reach out, yet they never did. I want to know that I'm not alone in this fight.

To Whom it May Concern,

My name is Tommy Harrell and I am a freshman at the University of Southern California. As a college student who is always on the go, having a water bottle is essential for my mental clarity and academic performance. Thus, Nalgene water bottles have been a staple in my everyday life from an early age. Oftentimes people are concerned by the way I nurse my 32oz Narrow Mouth Bottle; an addiction that has evolved to a dependency so egregious my mouth feels like the dead sea when my fingers aren't grasping the worn plastic cap loop. 

For all of Nalgene's grandeur and glory, for all of its hydration innovation, it is missing one combination so bold, it would elevate it to the status of sliced bread: a 48oz Narrow Mouth Bottle. 

As a lifelong Nalgene user--nay, addict--I have used and abused every product made. As an adolescent, I was a traditional, 32oz Wide Mouth Bottle user. And all in the world was good. Yet, on August 19th, 2016, my eyes were opened to a world hidden to me for unbeknownst reasons: I was gifted a 32oz Narrow Mouth Nalgene. It felt like, at age fourteen, stepping out of my house for the first time ever--overcome with a sudden realization that there is so much outside of what you know. Or perhaps I imagine a fish would feel a similar sensation if it were to suddenly be able to live on land. Regardless of which analogy you resonate with, understand that my life drastically changed on that day. 

After my initial infatuation slumbered, I analyzed my beloved Narrow Mouth with a critical eye: the decreased circumference of the mouthpiece meant I could drink water with almost pretentious leisure. However, I quickly realized a minor issue: thirty-two ounces of water only lasted me about forty-five minutes. 

This predicament led me to flirt with the 48oz Wide Mouth Bottle, but I quickly realized the benefits of the extended length and capacity simply did not outweigh the detriments of the wide mouth. On my first sip liquids began to spill, rivers of my drink ebbing and flowing down my chin, acting as tributaries to the growing sea of water surrounding my pelvic region. I tried all of the remedies: the Nalgene Easy Sipper, multiple different straws--you name it, I tried it. But no quick fix compared to the ingenious convenience of the Narrow Mouth. I ditched the 48oz Bottle, but felt trapped between two worlds; one of unparalleled convenience and one of boundless utility. 

For years now I have sulked in the cold shadows of these two worlds. But amidst the absurdity of 2020 I learned an invaluable lesson: life is too precious to sit around and pout. 

And that's where you come into play, Nalge Nunc International Corporation. I have risen from below the darkness of these two bright worlds you made in hopes that they will collide. As a wise man once told me that the path to true success requires departures and deviations from the track everyone else has taken, so why not let these two worlds veer off course for an explosion of guaranteed greatness?

The world may not be ready for a 48oz Narrow Mouth Bottle. But I am. And I hope you are too, my dear Nalgene Customer Service Agent. Please let this message of hope fall in the hands of the right people, so help me God. 

With the utmost sincerity,

Tommy Harrell